仍是雜

堅持不哭哭的堅持一直是值得哭哭的堅持

當一個人學會感覺, 那麼這個人同時也學會表達

我的一生, 剛開始是被別人製作成照片; 青少年時是由自己蒐集別人的照片; 中壯年時忙著製作別人的照片; 老年後則是忙著尋找自己以前的照片

不想當女生

很多時候
我自己都會不自覺
又再follow男尊女卑.女生該當承擔某些責任的老觀念
比如說
"樂手的心酸"感想文
最後的結論竟然是"哀 為啥我們是女生""還是不要請女主唱來的好 好麻煩"
但是
為啥是女生來承擔這些壞名呢
那些死男樂手不用負責任嗎
對 沒錯
大部分女生感情比較豐富一點
但是但是 一個巴掌拍不響
更何況
通常真正促成這種關係的主動力量
還不是來自演化過程後存活下來的這群雄性動物們

既然害怕有問題的發生
就該有負起責任.控制自己的力量阿
怎麼會是捨棄團隊的需求
而逃避又逃避呢

但我還是不想當女生阿
在生理層面 我們只有一個優勢:"我們一定知道孩子是自己的"
在心理層面 我們只能由一個詞來作註腳:"矛盾"ㄚㄚㄚ

雜碎

最近有了一些小小的感想


如果我們已經相信了1+1=2, 我們就得接受機率這件事, 更得接受運氣的存在

我們依賴情緒維生, 依賴情緒記憶事情, 而這種依賴就造成了對利益的依賴

要先相信, 才有希望, 有了希望, 才能讓自己為生而忙, 為生而忙就不會為死而忙
不過, 相信本身就是個令人忙碌的事情

Am I Really Thoughtful?

Sometimes, I do hear people say that I am thoughtful and I often think up some interesting ideas.
I don't think so.
You can say I'm inconfident. But I am really damn lazy to think.
I don't give a damn to almost everything.
I only care about myself---my own feelings. Read my blog and you'll see this.
I don't say I'm immune to emoitons but I am immune to anything happen arround me.
I hate calculating what this life is worthwhile for.
I hate discussing what other peoples' crazy speeches and thoughts.
I hate everything that is imposed on me.
So, how do you pursuade me to believe myself as a good thinker and a good care giver?

Am I Really Rational?

Many say that they are very surprised to find me really rational rather than sensational.
Many say that they are even more surprised to find me really cold and unconcerned.
But I didn't tell them: I'm surprised too!! I don't even know that I am such a tough person who scares everybody away from me!!
J says sometimes I look like a damned shit when I am TIRED.
Oh, yeah? Now THAT is the reason!!
Don't you think it is pretty hard to communicate with these damn people?
Don't you think talking and thinking really bring you down and expend all your energy?
Don't you think these interaction with people, especially known ones, is really wasting my time, since nobody will pay a damn shit on you when you are down and exausted with those damn realities?
Don't you think when you're successful everybody, of course including you my DEAR, will try to show a damn bit more respect to you while they just spit on your grave when you finally get some place to rest down away from these damn shit things?

Don't you think I am pretty sensational (or irrational) asking you these questions?

I am irrational because I always laugh an unwilling laugh.
I am irrational because I always smile an unwilling smile.
I am irrational because I always appear in an unhappy place everyday.
I AM irrational because I always receive your complaints for the real irrational me I show you, J!!
That F*** You song should be there for everybody to sing!!

I just hope that I CAN be that rational person all of you see!!
As clever and realistic as you all said!!

天底下真有這麼巧的事

真是太好笑了
我還以為我的個性已經夠悲哀了
悲哀到這世界已經沒有人跟我像了
不過呢
今天發現台灣就有一個
還po到yahoo知識+交友
自稱怪咖...哈哈(握手)
他說他的個性是...
友善............算有
隨和............當然有
羅曼蒂克....不太可能
積極............NO
進取............以前沒有..現在有
粗枝大葉....我認同
善解人意....of course
熱情大方....NO..其實我也想變成這樣的人
淡泊名利....這是我最大的優點
不拘小節....這釋啥東西誰來給我解釋= =
心地善良....算有
活潑好動....NO
忠厚老實....當然
內向害羞....這是我最大的缺點
單純率真....ㄎㄎㄎ不好意思這是我的優點
幽默風趣....NO..但想朝著這方向邁進
成熟穩重....我想笑..這跟我怎麼會扯ㄉ上關係
外冷內熱....我是這種人沒有錯
溫柔婉約....=..=我有需要努力著這方向邁進ㄇ= =?
樂觀開朗....怎麼可能....哈哈哈..不過我會努力的
易情緒化....好像有喔.....嗚...
冷酷孤僻....有耶..........
誠懇實在....最大優點之一
爽朗健談.....去參加卡內基看會不會變成這樣好ㄌ
多愁善感.....悲哀的缺點
細心體貼.....不細心 但體貼..誰把這兩個形容詞放在一起的?
急公好義.....應該有一點點吧
隨興自在.....應該有吧
腳踏實地.....有!
擇善固執.....擇善是什麼我不知道..不過我知道我固執
正直坦白.....最大優點之一
謙和有禮.....好像…沒有耶………不過我很欣賞這種人..我也想變成這種人
沈默寡言.....埃…悲哀ㄉ缺點
搞怪頑皮.....ㄏㄏㄏ好像有喔!!
聰明伶俐.....要看哪方面~~有時候我很聰明是沒有錯..有時候卻很笨= =
精明幹練.....很想變成這種人
優柔寡斷.....算有
吊兒啷噹.....感覺好像跟我扯不上邊..可以我總覺得我好像有耶

ㄎㄎ
看來我是不是也該上知識+交友阿?

Rev for my special one

Lately, I read through a well-written article about hanky-panky thing (not corrotes sexual behaviors but feeling), which is exactly what is happening between us.
So now I have to correct one thing:
I love you, and I'm not in love with you yet.
What I perceive is that we're kind of...hanky-panky and this is not love!
And I guess this "description" won't change for at least a year or two for me.
Now I understand what exactly made me afraid of answering you yes.
It's not because you're too precious to be my bf.
It's because I don't love you that much.
I'm sorry but I can't take that much.
I'm sorry I just don't want you to be my responsibility...yet!

If you really love me, I thank you.
If you feel the same for me, I still thank you and I hope maybe one day we can become...anything deeper like real best friends or bf and gf.
This kind of relationship can drive a person crazy.

(I finally find one new thing to worry about? anticipate for?)