Am I Really Thoughtful?

Sometimes, I do hear people say that I am thoughtful and I often think up some interesting ideas.
I don't think so.
You can say I'm inconfident. But I am really damn lazy to think.
I don't give a damn to almost everything.
I only care about myself---my own feelings. Read my blog and you'll see this.
I don't say I'm immune to emoitons but I am immune to anything happen arround me.
I hate calculating what this life is worthwhile for.
I hate discussing what other peoples' crazy speeches and thoughts.
I hate everything that is imposed on me.
So, how do you pursuade me to believe myself as a good thinker and a good care giver?

Am I Really Rational?

Many say that they are very surprised to find me really rational rather than sensational.
Many say that they are even more surprised to find me really cold and unconcerned.
But I didn't tell them: I'm surprised too!! I don't even know that I am such a tough person who scares everybody away from me!!
J says sometimes I look like a damned shit when I am TIRED.
Oh, yeah? Now THAT is the reason!!
Don't you think it is pretty hard to communicate with these damn people?
Don't you think talking and thinking really bring you down and expend all your energy?
Don't you think these interaction with people, especially known ones, is really wasting my time, since nobody will pay a damn shit on you when you are down and exausted with those damn realities?
Don't you think when you're successful everybody, of course including you my DEAR, will try to show a damn bit more respect to you while they just spit on your grave when you finally get some place to rest down away from these damn shit things?

Don't you think I am pretty sensational (or irrational) asking you these questions?

I am irrational because I always laugh an unwilling laugh.
I am irrational because I always smile an unwilling smile.
I am irrational because I always appear in an unhappy place everyday.
I AM irrational because I always receive your complaints for the real irrational me I show you, J!!
That F*** You song should be there for everybody to sing!!

I just hope that I CAN be that rational person all of you see!!
As clever and realistic as you all said!!

天底下真有這麼巧的事

真是太好笑了
我還以為我的個性已經夠悲哀了
悲哀到這世界已經沒有人跟我像了
不過呢
今天發現台灣就有一個
還po到yahoo知識+交友
自稱怪咖...哈哈(握手)
他說他的個性是...
友善............算有
隨和............當然有
羅曼蒂克....不太可能
積極............NO
進取............以前沒有..現在有
粗枝大葉....我認同
善解人意....of course
熱情大方....NO..其實我也想變成這樣的人
淡泊名利....這是我最大的優點
不拘小節....這釋啥東西誰來給我解釋= =
心地善良....算有
活潑好動....NO
忠厚老實....當然
內向害羞....這是我最大的缺點
單純率真....ㄎㄎㄎ不好意思這是我的優點
幽默風趣....NO..但想朝著這方向邁進
成熟穩重....我想笑..這跟我怎麼會扯ㄉ上關係
外冷內熱....我是這種人沒有錯
溫柔婉約....=..=我有需要努力著這方向邁進ㄇ= =?
樂觀開朗....怎麼可能....哈哈哈..不過我會努力的
易情緒化....好像有喔.....嗚...
冷酷孤僻....有耶..........
誠懇實在....最大優點之一
爽朗健談.....去參加卡內基看會不會變成這樣好ㄌ
多愁善感.....悲哀的缺點
細心體貼.....不細心 但體貼..誰把這兩個形容詞放在一起的?
急公好義.....應該有一點點吧
隨興自在.....應該有吧
腳踏實地.....有!
擇善固執.....擇善是什麼我不知道..不過我知道我固執
正直坦白.....最大優點之一
謙和有禮.....好像…沒有耶………不過我很欣賞這種人..我也想變成這種人
沈默寡言.....埃…悲哀ㄉ缺點
搞怪頑皮.....ㄏㄏㄏ好像有喔!!
聰明伶俐.....要看哪方面~~有時候我很聰明是沒有錯..有時候卻很笨= =
精明幹練.....很想變成這種人
優柔寡斷.....算有
吊兒啷噹.....感覺好像跟我扯不上邊..可以我總覺得我好像有耶

ㄎㄎ
看來我是不是也該上知識+交友阿?

Rev for my special one

Lately, I read through a well-written article about hanky-panky thing (not corrotes sexual behaviors but feeling), which is exactly what is happening between us.
So now I have to correct one thing:
I love you, and I'm not in love with you yet.
What I perceive is that we're kind of...hanky-panky and this is not love!
And I guess this "description" won't change for at least a year or two for me.
Now I understand what exactly made me afraid of answering you yes.
It's not because you're too precious to be my bf.
It's because I don't love you that much.
I'm sorry but I can't take that much.
I'm sorry I just don't want you to be my responsibility...yet!

If you really love me, I thank you.
If you feel the same for me, I still thank you and I hope maybe one day we can become...anything deeper like real best friends or bf and gf.
This kind of relationship can drive a person crazy.

(I finally find one new thing to worry about? anticipate for?)

可悲的女性

從教材中也透露出“男主動女被動”的模式。如此，只會使兩性間難以平等互動，對於傳統性文化卻一直存有雙重的標準。要求女性婚前保有貞操，婚後忠實；卻沒有對男性提出同等要求。加上台灣社會中處女價值不斷被吹噓，無形中強化了女性對性無謂的恐懼及壓抑。所以處女情結不但反映出男女不平等的現實，同時亦否定了女性追求情慾自主的空間。而傳統性別角色的強化，不但打壓了非傳統婦女，也忽略男性所應擔負的職責。其中非但加重職業婦女的心理壓力，也為真正思考及對傳統性別角色的反省。

Where the Hell Does Disney Find All These Damn Virgins???June 6th, 2008 by Evil Beet

我的天阿...
這個世界...
看了真是感慨...
如果有人再問我:為啥你下輩子想當男生而不想當女生?
我就要回答:
X你X的XXXX 沒長長眼睛看看這個世界阿
X你的處女情結
X你的男女大平等

我是不是該學學selena去跟上帝簽署virgin條約?

To A Special Person

These days, I keep introspecting over our relationship.
I really tried hard to figure out what happened, but what I figured out is that I am, yeah, kind of in love with you.
You remember that psychology test for liking and loving?
I lied to you.
I lied to you because I don't understand myself and this affection I've never experienced before.
The result was actually "I love you, but I don't like you."
However, I thought I wasn't into you and stabbed you that I loved you but I wasn't in love with you.
This is totally a mistake.
I confess now that I'm really in love with you, which is unfortunately the last thing I'd say to you.
What I can do now is...
I make a promise to myself, secretly, for you.
Maybe after a few years, we'll probably meet each other again.
At that time, we'd be totally different, or maybe, only a little things change.
Then, we'll fall in love with each other again---a new love lasting for the rest of our lives.
I'm sorry for you.
I'm sorry for both of us.
Well, I love you, and I really do.
But I can't fight anymore for you.
I don't know maybe we'll be together again sometime in another life.
But the pain is done, so we still have to go on.
Just let time soothe our pain and see what happens.

我對宗教的想法

宗教...真是個有趣的現象...
根據國中課本,可以發現:人類文化發展和宗教觀念的發展是息息相關的
宗教甚至在人類史前文明的早期就開始占有一席之地
至於我個人...不會去反對這種東西
但是當我上大學後有了被教會的人死纏爛打的經驗之後
我真的忍不住手癢要寫下這幾句個人見解:
宗教 在我的認知裡
呈現了一種自我的面向
有點像Freud的superego
有道德超脫,甚至有超能力的感覺
甚至可以說是人生追求的目標
一個典範.一種可能
這就是為甚麼
每當教會的人費盡心思跟我說明請God進入我心來使我的人生計畫得以實現時
我都會回嗆:
喔?我就這樣把王位讓給他嗎?為啥沒有我跟他談判的空間?"我"才是實現人生計畫的重點人物吧!"我"才是God的化身吧(以人生計畫的觀點來說)
唉...只能說
這些宗教狂熱份子的智慧是我無法理解的:P