你為什麼一直不肯接受他？
因為我雖然很喜歡他 卻不愛他
是嗎？
那你明白什麼是愛嗎？
我大略了解愛上一個人會有什麼行為
對他 也只是憑我的直覺罷了
直覺？你相信嗎？
某一程度上，是
那麼，明知道你的存在會讓他和你都勉強
你也有個直覺告訴你不要輕易疏離他？
…也許吧
吶，我看你根本就搞不清楚自己在做什麼
明知道他對你早已不是單純的友誼
你還能跟他相處如此自在？
…我只是…聽從我的感覺而已
總覺得還不到那種境界…
推卸自己感情的責任是你的嗜好嗎？
你只是自我催眠罷了
那不是自我催眠
我一直都很清楚自己不是那樣看他的
這種行為應該是自我滿足，而自我滿足是人生存的方式阿
那麼你就打算只追求自己的「滿足」而糟蹋他對你的好嗎？
我一直試圖對等…
對等是不可能的，你也是知道的吧？
你居然還能面對他的極度有好意振言詞發好人卡？欺負人吧？
我是真的很希望我也能對他跟他對我一樣好
可是這種努力讓我真的很不舒服…
你以為人家這一年來都是這樣很自然、很甘願的對你好嗎？
人家付出的努力你不願意付出就承認吧
我並沒有這樣想…
喔喔～當然你不會這樣想！
你一直以來都是交不到朋友的，沒錯吧？
你為何從不想想為什麼呢？
我…
你一直都認為別人對你好是應該的，是吧？
我沒這樣想！
但你就是這樣表現！
你根本就不珍惜這些少的可憐會對你好的人！
我很珍惜他阿～
所以我才盡量委婉…
委婉？
你不是被他批評過嗎？
狗嘴吐不出象牙又愛裝可憐的假公主
那也只能算是說話技巧問題阿…
純粹技巧問題嗎？
你敢說你從來沒有傷害過他嗎？
人家可是一直都照顧著你、專情於你呢！
可是我只是說出我的感覺…
又來了，真是不負責任的小孩子
你打算當孤獨悲傷的女主角多久阿？
我一直都希望自己獨立…
但我可沒祈求過孤獨
你敢說這不是你發洩孤獨的手段嗎？
藉機把自己的罪惡怪到人家頭上，然後再貼標籤說人家不會自己控制情緒？
我只是希望不要事事麻煩他…
喔喔～簡直就跟你最討厭的嬌生慣養的尤菲米亞公主人偶殿下一樣
明明連自己都照顧不好，還妄想照顧別人
淪為只為滿足自己而傷害別人的傢伙，滾一邊去吧！
我就只是不想傷害…
但還是傷害了嘛！你自己也看到了
你何不就當好你的花瓶給人家養著呢？
可是我也試著不要只當花瓶…
但是你每一次嘗試都造成別人的困擾
既不接受別人對你的好，又不懂得對別人好
你這個人活著有意義嗎？
我就是為了尋找活著的意義才繼續升學，努力唸書的
也才要求要觀察一陣子
所謂一陣子的一年過去了，你找到了什麼？
我…
只知道憑著「我承認我是自我滿足」的敘述而自以為高尚吧？
你這樣已經不是適度保護自己的自私了！
不不不不……阿阿阿！！
2009年12月20日 星期日
I Feel Like You Wouldn't Love Me If You Were Me
At first, I didn't really like Suzaku.
Um well, actually I hated him.
Sure, he is miserable because he has to grow with a sense of crime.
However, he is not taking the responsibility. (while Lulu is)
If he really wants to atone his crime, he should force himself to live and to help build a better world (no matter in his own way or Lulu's way) but not to pray for himself death (if you really want to die, you were dead already)
His thought about "obeying rules" especially disgusts me:
Comparing to involving in a rebellion, you are more willing to stay just because it is more easier to obey rules.
Comparing to reject the ejection of Flayia, it is more easier to obey rules and slaughter millions of people.
This is why I hated him.
(Actually I don't blame him for the choice of helping Japanese in a peaceful way...of course, if he is really hoping for other people's peace, not his own peace)
But, the question is
I am just like what I hated about Suzaku.
I want to be first (not only in schoolwork but also in social interaction), but at the same time, I look down on any possibly effective ways toward success.
I wanna be a leader, but most of the time I just follow others and privately criticizing them.
So what I look like is really a pompous nuisance, I believe.
Want proof?
Let's just see what happened today:
A: Hey, do you know what my junior behave like in class?
B: ...
A: ?
C: ...
A: ??
B: ...well, she...was quite like a scary ghost when her hair was let down.
A: ...
(A, B, C are not me)
What I could do was only give a embarrased smile.
So what did I get?
What I found out is:
I exist in class = I do not exist in class
If I disappear for a whole week and all the teachers forget to call the roll, I guess nobody would find out that I was gone.
SOOOO SAD...isn't it?
But I really don't have the courage to face it...which is much sadder.
I cry again.
Um well, actually I hated him.
Sure, he is miserable because he has to grow with a sense of crime.
However, he is not taking the responsibility. (while Lulu is)
If he really wants to atone his crime, he should force himself to live and to help build a better world (no matter in his own way or Lulu's way) but not to pray for himself death (if you really want to die, you were dead already)
His thought about "obeying rules" especially disgusts me:
Comparing to involving in a rebellion, you are more willing to stay just because it is more easier to obey rules.
Comparing to reject the ejection of Flayia, it is more easier to obey rules and slaughter millions of people.
This is why I hated him.
(Actually I don't blame him for the choice of helping Japanese in a peaceful way...of course, if he is really hoping for other people's peace, not his own peace)
But, the question is
I am just like what I hated about Suzaku.
I want to be first (not only in schoolwork but also in social interaction), but at the same time, I look down on any possibly effective ways toward success.
I wanna be a leader, but most of the time I just follow others and privately criticizing them.
So what I look like is really a pompous nuisance, I believe.
Want proof?
Let's just see what happened today:
A: Hey, do you know what my junior behave like in class?
B: ...
A: ?
C: ...
A: ??
B: ...well, she...was quite like a scary ghost when her hair was let down.
A: ...
(A, B, C are not me)
What I could do was only give a embarrased smile.
So what did I get?
What I found out is:
I exist in class = I do not exist in class
If I disappear for a whole week and all the teachers forget to call the roll, I guess nobody would find out that I was gone.
SOOOO SAD...isn't it?
But I really don't have the courage to face it...which is much sadder.
I cry again.
2009年12月13日 星期日
科學？人文？
前天有人提起了當初為何選擇走自然組或社會組的原因
當我很自然地回答這個問題的時候
才發現自己雖然一開始就已經很自然地成為自然人
但根本原因是啥？
我實在不願想像當時身為嬌嫩蘿莉的我會了解自己多少
於是我要開始數落我現在的推論了XD
先不提當今教育界如何試圖模糊科學和人文領域的可笑行為
以長久以來大家的普遍共識
自然組追求科學，社會組追求人文
應該沒什麼太大的偏差吧
那麼
身為自然組或社會組一員的各位
真的了解自己在追求的科學和人文分別是什麼東西嗎？
我個人很贊同這句「科學是追求真實，人文則是追求規範」
（雖然我真的忘了這句話的原文和出處了）
沒有錯，社會組的人很愛「定義」＝＝
再來，我更贊同這句「丟掉多數爛的蘋果比挑出一個最好的蘋果還容易許多」
（應該是我自己發明的...）
我不會選擇人文
人文是一個集合
這個集合是不同人透過不同意識形態的濾鏡下而產生的「知識」集合
假如我真的進了這種體系
我就必須試圖把所有經過別人濾鏡的東西再以自己的濾鏡過濾
這樣下來學習到的東西
會是原本的樣子嗎
雖說這也是人文領域最有趣的地方
但如果要在現實社會當中
真正讓學習這種行為維持學習的樣貌
（那你說學習的定義是啥阿？ 不要問無聊的問題）
雖不知科學做不做的到
但我肯定人文人作不到
逃避認同危機總是簡單一點嘛～對不對？
當我很自然地回答這個問題的時候
才發現自己雖然一開始就已經很自然地成為自然人
但根本原因是啥？
我實在不願想像當時身為嬌嫩蘿莉的我會了解自己多少
於是我要開始數落我現在的推論了XD
先不提當今教育界如何試圖模糊科學和人文領域的可笑行為
以長久以來大家的普遍共識
自然組追求科學，社會組追求人文
應該沒什麼太大的偏差吧
那麼
身為自然組或社會組一員的各位
真的了解自己在追求的科學和人文分別是什麼東西嗎？
我個人很贊同這句「科學是追求真實，人文則是追求規範」
（雖然我真的忘了這句話的原文和出處了）
沒有錯，社會組的人很愛「定義」＝＝
再來，我更贊同這句「丟掉多數爛的蘋果比挑出一個最好的蘋果還容易許多」
（應該是我自己發明的...）
我不會選擇人文
人文是一個集合
這個集合是不同人透過不同意識形態的濾鏡下而產生的「知識」集合
假如我真的進了這種體系
我就必須試圖把所有經過別人濾鏡的東西再以自己的濾鏡過濾
這樣下來學習到的東西
會是原本的樣子嗎
雖說這也是人文領域最有趣的地方
但如果要在現實社會當中
真正讓學習這種行為維持學習的樣貌
（那你說學習的定義是啥阿？ 不要問無聊的問題）
雖不知科學做不做的到
但我肯定人文人作不到
逃避認同危機總是簡單一點嘛～對不對？
2009年10月25日 星期日
Some Notes for Lelouch the Rebellion
不一定要毀滅敵人,有攏絡的機會時加以把握,敵人會成為自己最佳的夥伴
不管我們使用的是正確或錯誤的方法,即使能做到所要的結果,相對地一定會失去現在所擁有的許多東西
想要脅迫他人,即使出自善意,自己一定要付出相應的代價
能夠開槍的人,只有擁有中彈覺悟的人
不玷汙自己的手,而一味譴責他人錯誤的人,更該被摧毀
對付白目的方法就是順著白目的意,而有趣的是,白目還會因此不爽
想要改變人類的本性,根本就是空談;唯有善加利用人性,才能成就偉大的事業;不過更有趣的是,通常想要脅迫人類改變本性的人們,本身更是被自己所對抗的人性操弄而不自知
不管我們使用的是正確或錯誤的方法,即使能做到所要的結果,相對地一定會失去現在所擁有的許多東西
想要脅迫他人,即使出自善意,自己一定要付出相應的代價
能夠開槍的人,只有擁有中彈覺悟的人
不玷汙自己的手,而一味譴責他人錯誤的人,更該被摧毀
對付白目的方法就是順著白目的意,而有趣的是,白目還會因此不爽
想要改變人類的本性,根本就是空談;唯有善加利用人性,才能成就偉大的事業;不過更有趣的是,通常想要脅迫人類改變本性的人們,本身更是被自己所對抗的人性操弄而不自知
2009年9月30日 星期三
My Tour in Animation?
Two whole weeks have passed and I have done nothing but those ridiculus and boring homework.
Somebody said something like he/she was the only one who has done everything he/she can do (to help everybody...err), but does he/she know what OTHER people are doing when he/she was happying around?
And I don't want to type more bad mood in this topic...it's too wasting time.
Fortunately, I watched two animation work: Ooram High School Host Club and Kuroshitzuzi.
Both are great art work!!!
I watched Atzuhime in my long summer break, and made me a fan of Atsuhime's.
Her wisdom AND beautiful tricks---FANTASTICS!!!
When I finally open the Ooram High School Host Club file, I assumed this animation is just a damsel manga.
But I was terribly wrong...Japanese are sooooo *!*
After less than 10 episodes, I can clearly see the "inside" artwork: changing life and changing mind; when you want something bad, you must lose something good in reward.
Maybe it's because of the animation's optimistic mood that makes me quite self-confident for the next few days.
I even utilize Atzuhime's and Haruhi's "warming" skills to try to correct (sort of) my mistakes in the organic chemistry experiment course last Friday.
But Kuroshitzuzi is truly a MIRACLE.
Devil VS Angel, and who would won?
And...the most important question: what are devil and angel separately?
This is really interesting.
The following is what I get:
Devil and angel are separated by human heart.
When they gather and cooperate, they form a being's charactor.
Just as angels cannot defeat/destroy all devils, no devil can do the same to angels.
They must live forever...as long as people keep walking on this planet.
Angels and devils are not really the angels and devils we know long.
Angles can be cruel, although they always yell: clear all the dirty >"<
Devils can be tender, because they cling to human...very tightly.
So long as you sacrifice, you'll get what you ask...and devils never lie/betray you...until the day you pay comes.
Just because devils are soooo understanding and trustworthy and because angels are soooo far-fetched and seemingly holy and pure, we all need to learn:
-A devil's skills and an angel's attitude.
-A devil's heart and an angel's mouth.
What's more, nothing can be found again if you lost it.
And actually, nothing you have found can be the same over time.
If you have to play the game, you must stand right in yourself.
Sometimes I wish I can be more Ciel than Haruhi.
Ciel is such a brave guy!
Somebody said something like he/she was the only one who has done everything he/she can do (to help everybody...err), but does he/she know what OTHER people are doing when he/she was happying around?
And I don't want to type more bad mood in this topic...it's too wasting time.
Fortunately, I watched two animation work: Ooram High School Host Club and Kuroshitzuzi.
Both are great art work!!!
I watched Atzuhime in my long summer break, and made me a fan of Atsuhime's.
Her wisdom AND beautiful tricks---FANTASTICS!!!
When I finally open the Ooram High School Host Club file, I assumed this animation is just a damsel manga.
But I was terribly wrong...Japanese are sooooo *!*
After less than 10 episodes, I can clearly see the "inside" artwork: changing life and changing mind; when you want something bad, you must lose something good in reward.
Maybe it's because of the animation's optimistic mood that makes me quite self-confident for the next few days.
I even utilize Atzuhime's and Haruhi's "warming" skills to try to correct (sort of) my mistakes in the organic chemistry experiment course last Friday.
But Kuroshitzuzi is truly a MIRACLE.
Devil VS Angel, and who would won?
And...the most important question: what are devil and angel separately?
This is really interesting.
The following is what I get:
Devil and angel are separated by human heart.
When they gather and cooperate, they form a being's charactor.
Just as angels cannot defeat/destroy all devils, no devil can do the same to angels.
They must live forever...as long as people keep walking on this planet.
Angels and devils are not really the angels and devils we know long.
Angles can be cruel, although they always yell: clear all the dirty >"<
Devils can be tender, because they cling to human...very tightly.
So long as you sacrifice, you'll get what you ask...and devils never lie/betray you...until the day you pay comes.
Just because devils are soooo understanding and trustworthy and because angels are soooo far-fetched and seemingly holy and pure, we all need to learn:
-A devil's skills and an angel's attitude.
-A devil's heart and an angel's mouth.
What's more, nothing can be found again if you lost it.
And actually, nothing you have found can be the same over time.
If you have to play the game, you must stand right in yourself.
Sometimes I wish I can be more Ciel than Haruhi.
Ciel is such a brave guy!
2009年9月19日 星期六
Some Words
Victory creates hatred. Defeat creates suffering. Those who are wise strive for neither victory nor defeat. --Buddha
Quite true.
But I think actually this quote means the true victory should not be an exterior victory.
And actually, it should be fine for me to defeat and make suffering over the one who doesn't know how to gain a true victory over me.
=============
When he stands himeself as an island, you should bend yourself as a bridge. Thus, when he finally turns back, there will be a bridge for him to cross over. --DoDo
This is so sweet and wise at the same time.
Sometimes, I really don't know how to deal with things like "he truned his back on me" or "why didn't she reply?"
=============
People are always like this: if I can't get it, I concern; if I get it, I won't even take a damn look on it. --DoDo (Hypnogenesis)
For beautiful items, this may not be true; however, for people, this is always true><"
And take a look at this quote and the topic for it.
This quote is originally for pessimists.
But this quote actually tells me one thing: optimists are actually good hypnotizers, aren't they?
=============
Just because there is no standard answer, we have much space to think it over. --DoDo (A Narrow Opening)
Again, this quote and its topic...pretty...nice.
Quite true.
But I think actually this quote means the true victory should not be an exterior victory.
And actually, it should be fine for me to defeat and make suffering over the one who doesn't know how to gain a true victory over me.
=============
When he stands himeself as an island, you should bend yourself as a bridge. Thus, when he finally turns back, there will be a bridge for him to cross over. --DoDo
This is so sweet and wise at the same time.
Sometimes, I really don't know how to deal with things like "he truned his back on me" or "why didn't she reply?"
=============
People are always like this: if I can't get it, I concern; if I get it, I won't even take a damn look on it. --DoDo (Hypnogenesis)
For beautiful items, this may not be true; however, for people, this is always true><"
And take a look at this quote and the topic for it.
This quote is originally for pessimists.
But this quote actually tells me one thing: optimists are actually good hypnotizers, aren't they?
=============
Just because there is no standard answer, we have much space to think it over. --DoDo (A Narrow Opening)
Again, this quote and its topic...pretty...nice.
2009年9月16日 星期三
How Damn Pure Are You?
This is the first day that I become so sure that you're exactly sh*t!!!
You never forget to tell everybody that you're the puriest boy in the world.
You always praise yourself as an ANGEL for girls.
This is not true.
You did not respect me, although you did a few nice things---seemingly.
You don't even see girls as good ones.
Today I feel that I'm too damn stupid to have you here by my side, no matter friends or not.
You cheat, you cheat, and you cheat again.
You keep fooling me.
You only care for yourself.
Just after you and I decided to break up (?), you already prepared well for your own beautiful single life in just a few days.
What in hell are you when you criticize those selfish guys who dump their dear honey like trash?
You're just as mean as them!!
I will never forget this.
Yes. Maybe I'm just a fool, and maybe just exactly the worst fool in the globe.
But from now on, I won't give any sympathy on you.
I won't act like your dispose.
I will kick you to another damn good girl and say "Oh, what a lovely 172 cm boy for you!"
Don't EVER touch me again!
You never forget to tell everybody that you're the puriest boy in the world.
You always praise yourself as an ANGEL for girls.
This is not true.
You did not respect me, although you did a few nice things---seemingly.
You don't even see girls as good ones.
Today I feel that I'm too damn stupid to have you here by my side, no matter friends or not.
You cheat, you cheat, and you cheat again.
You keep fooling me.
You only care for yourself.
Just after you and I decided to break up (?), you already prepared well for your own beautiful single life in just a few days.
What in hell are you when you criticize those selfish guys who dump their dear honey like trash?
You're just as mean as them!!
I will never forget this.
Yes. Maybe I'm just a fool, and maybe just exactly the worst fool in the globe.
But from now on, I won't give any sympathy on you.
I won't act like your dispose.
I will kick you to another damn good girl and say "Oh, what a lovely 172 cm boy for you!"
Don't EVER touch me again!
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