At first, I didn't really like Suzaku.
Um well, actually I hated him.
Sure, he is miserable because he has to grow with a sense of crime.
However, he is not taking the responsibility. (while Lulu is)
If he really wants to atone his crime, he should force himself to live and to help build a better world (no matter in his own way or Lulu's way) but not to pray for himself death (if you really want to die, you were dead already)
His thought about "obeying rules" especially disgusts me:
Comparing to involving in a rebellion, you are more willing to stay just because it is more easier to obey rules.
Comparing to reject the ejection of Flayia, it is more easier to obey rules and slaughter millions of people.
This is why I hated him.
(Actually I don't blame him for the choice of helping Japanese in a peaceful way...of course, if he is really hoping for other people's peace, not his own peace)
But, the question is
I am just like what I hated about Suzaku.
I want to be first (not only in schoolwork but also in social interaction), but at the same time, I look down on any possibly effective ways toward success.
I wanna be a leader, but most of the time I just follow others and privately criticizing them.
So what I look like is really a pompous nuisance, I believe.
Want proof?
Let's just see what happened today:
A: Hey, do you know what my junior behave like in class?
B: ...
A: ?
C: ...
A: ??
B: ...well, she...was quite like a scary ghost when her hair was let down.
A: ...
(A, B, C are not me)
What I could do was only give a embarrased smile.
So what did I get?
What I found out is:
I exist in class = I do not exist in class
If I disappear for a whole week and all the teachers forget to call the roll, I guess nobody would find out that I was gone.
SOOOO SAD...isn't it?
But I really don't have the courage to face it...which is much sadder.
I cry again.
2009年12月20日 星期日
2009年12月13日 星期日
科學？人文？
前天有人提起了當初為何選擇走自然組或社會組的原因
當我很自然地回答這個問題的時候
才發現自己雖然一開始就已經很自然地成為自然人
但根本原因是啥？
我實在不願想像當時身為嬌嫩蘿莉的我會了解自己多少
於是我要開始數落我現在的推論了XD
先不提當今教育界如何試圖模糊科學和人文領域的可笑行為
以長久以來大家的普遍共識
自然組追求科學，社會組追求人文
應該沒什麼太大的偏差吧
那麼
身為自然組或社會組一員的各位
真的了解自己在追求的科學和人文分別是什麼東西嗎？
我個人很贊同這句「科學是追求真實，人文則是追求規範」
（雖然我真的忘了這句話的原文和出處了）
沒有錯，社會組的人很愛「定義」＝＝
再來，我更贊同這句「丟掉多數爛的蘋果比挑出一個最好的蘋果還容易許多」
（應該是我自己發明的...）
我不會選擇人文
人文是一個集合
這個集合是不同人透過不同意識形態的濾鏡下而產生的「知識」集合
假如我真的進了這種體系
我就必須試圖把所有經過別人濾鏡的東西再以自己的濾鏡過濾
這樣下來學習到的東西
會是原本的樣子嗎
雖說這也是人文領域最有趣的地方
但如果要在現實社會當中
真正讓學習這種行為維持學習的樣貌
（那你說學習的定義是啥阿？ 不要問無聊的問題）
雖不知科學做不做的到
但我肯定人文人作不到
逃避認同危機總是簡單一點嘛～對不對？
當我很自然地回答這個問題的時候
才發現自己雖然一開始就已經很自然地成為自然人
但根本原因是啥？
我實在不願想像當時身為嬌嫩蘿莉的我會了解自己多少
於是我要開始數落我現在的推論了XD
先不提當今教育界如何試圖模糊科學和人文領域的可笑行為
以長久以來大家的普遍共識
自然組追求科學，社會組追求人文
應該沒什麼太大的偏差吧
那麼
身為自然組或社會組一員的各位
真的了解自己在追求的科學和人文分別是什麼東西嗎？
我個人很贊同這句「科學是追求真實，人文則是追求規範」
（雖然我真的忘了這句話的原文和出處了）
沒有錯，社會組的人很愛「定義」＝＝
再來，我更贊同這句「丟掉多數爛的蘋果比挑出一個最好的蘋果還容易許多」
（應該是我自己發明的...）
我不會選擇人文
人文是一個集合
這個集合是不同人透過不同意識形態的濾鏡下而產生的「知識」集合
假如我真的進了這種體系
我就必須試圖把所有經過別人濾鏡的東西再以自己的濾鏡過濾
這樣下來學習到的東西
會是原本的樣子嗎
雖說這也是人文領域最有趣的地方
但如果要在現實社會當中
真正讓學習這種行為維持學習的樣貌
（那你說學習的定義是啥阿？ 不要問無聊的問題）
雖不知科學做不做的到
但我肯定人文人作不到
逃避認同危機總是簡單一點嘛～對不對？
2009年10月25日 星期日
Some Notes for Lelouch the Rebellion
不一定要毀滅敵人,有攏絡的機會時加以把握,敵人會成為自己最佳的夥伴
不管我們使用的是正確或錯誤的方法,即使能做到所要的結果,相對地一定會失去現在所擁有的許多東西
想要脅迫他人,即使出自善意,自己一定要付出相應的代價
能夠開槍的人,只有擁有中彈覺悟的人
不玷汙自己的手,而一味譴責他人錯誤的人,更該被摧毀
對付白目的方法就是順著白目的意,而有趣的是,白目還會因此不爽
想要改變人類的本性,根本就是空談;唯有善加利用人性,才能成就偉大的事業;不過更有趣的是,通常想要脅迫人類改變本性的人們,本身更是被自己所對抗的人性操弄而不自知
不管我們使用的是正確或錯誤的方法,即使能做到所要的結果,相對地一定會失去現在所擁有的許多東西
想要脅迫他人,即使出自善意,自己一定要付出相應的代價
能夠開槍的人,只有擁有中彈覺悟的人
不玷汙自己的手,而一味譴責他人錯誤的人,更該被摧毀
對付白目的方法就是順著白目的意,而有趣的是,白目還會因此不爽
想要改變人類的本性,根本就是空談;唯有善加利用人性,才能成就偉大的事業;不過更有趣的是,通常想要脅迫人類改變本性的人們,本身更是被自己所對抗的人性操弄而不自知
2009年9月30日 星期三
My Tour in Animation?
Two whole weeks have passed and I have done nothing but those ridiculus and boring homework.
Somebody said something like he/she was the only one who has done everything he/she can do (to help everybody...err), but does he/she know what OTHER people are doing when he/she was happying around?
And I don't want to type more bad mood in this topic...it's too wasting time.
Fortunately, I watched two animation work: Ooram High School Host Club and Kuroshitzuzi.
Both are great art work!!!
I watched Atzuhime in my long summer break, and made me a fan of Atsuhime's.
Her wisdom AND beautiful tricks---FANTASTICS!!!
When I finally open the Ooram High School Host Club file, I assumed this animation is just a damsel manga.
But I was terribly wrong...Japanese are sooooo *!*
After less than 10 episodes, I can clearly see the "inside" artwork: changing life and changing mind; when you want something bad, you must lose something good in reward.
Maybe it's because of the animation's optimistic mood that makes me quite self-confident for the next few days.
I even utilize Atzuhime's and Haruhi's "warming" skills to try to correct (sort of) my mistakes in the organic chemistry experiment course last Friday.
But Kuroshitzuzi is truly a MIRACLE.
Devil VS Angel, and who would won?
And...the most important question: what are devil and angel separately?
This is really interesting.
The following is what I get:
Devil and angel are separated by human heart.
When they gather and cooperate, they form a being's charactor.
Just as angels cannot defeat/destroy all devils, no devil can do the same to angels.
They must live forever...as long as people keep walking on this planet.
Angels and devils are not really the angels and devils we know long.
Angles can be cruel, although they always yell: clear all the dirty >"<
Devils can be tender, because they cling to human...very tightly.
So long as you sacrifice, you'll get what you ask...and devils never lie/betray you...until the day you pay comes.
Just because devils are soooo understanding and trustworthy and because angels are soooo far-fetched and seemingly holy and pure, we all need to learn:
-A devil's skills and an angel's attitude.
-A devil's heart and an angel's mouth.
What's more, nothing can be found again if you lost it.
And actually, nothing you have found can be the same over time.
If you have to play the game, you must stand right in yourself.
Sometimes I wish I can be more Ciel than Haruhi.
Ciel is such a brave guy!
Somebody said something like he/she was the only one who has done everything he/she can do (to help everybody...err), but does he/she know what OTHER people are doing when he/she was happying around?
And I don't want to type more bad mood in this topic...it's too wasting time.
Fortunately, I watched two animation work: Ooram High School Host Club and Kuroshitzuzi.
Both are great art work!!!
I watched Atzuhime in my long summer break, and made me a fan of Atsuhime's.
Her wisdom AND beautiful tricks---FANTASTICS!!!
When I finally open the Ooram High School Host Club file, I assumed this animation is just a damsel manga.
But I was terribly wrong...Japanese are sooooo *!*
After less than 10 episodes, I can clearly see the "inside" artwork: changing life and changing mind; when you want something bad, you must lose something good in reward.
Maybe it's because of the animation's optimistic mood that makes me quite self-confident for the next few days.
I even utilize Atzuhime's and Haruhi's "warming" skills to try to correct (sort of) my mistakes in the organic chemistry experiment course last Friday.
But Kuroshitzuzi is truly a MIRACLE.
Devil VS Angel, and who would won?
And...the most important question: what are devil and angel separately?
This is really interesting.
The following is what I get:
Devil and angel are separated by human heart.
When they gather and cooperate, they form a being's charactor.
Just as angels cannot defeat/destroy all devils, no devil can do the same to angels.
They must live forever...as long as people keep walking on this planet.
Angels and devils are not really the angels and devils we know long.
Angles can be cruel, although they always yell: clear all the dirty >"<
Devils can be tender, because they cling to human...very tightly.
So long as you sacrifice, you'll get what you ask...and devils never lie/betray you...until the day you pay comes.
Just because devils are soooo understanding and trustworthy and because angels are soooo far-fetched and seemingly holy and pure, we all need to learn:
-A devil's skills and an angel's attitude.
-A devil's heart and an angel's mouth.
What's more, nothing can be found again if you lost it.
And actually, nothing you have found can be the same over time.
If you have to play the game, you must stand right in yourself.
Sometimes I wish I can be more Ciel than Haruhi.
Ciel is such a brave guy!
2009年9月19日 星期六
Some Words
Victory creates hatred. Defeat creates suffering. Those who are wise strive for neither victory nor defeat. --Buddha
Quite true.
But I think actually this quote means the true victory should not be an exterior victory.
And actually, it should be fine for me to defeat and make suffering over the one who doesn't know how to gain a true victory over me.
=============
When he stands himeself as an island, you should bend yourself as a bridge. Thus, when he finally turns back, there will be a bridge for him to cross over. --DoDo
This is so sweet and wise at the same time.
Sometimes, I really don't know how to deal with things like "he truned his back on me" or "why didn't she reply?"
=============
People are always like this: if I can't get it, I concern; if I get it, I won't even take a damn look on it. --DoDo (Hypnogenesis)
For beautiful items, this may not be true; however, for people, this is always true><"
And take a look at this quote and the topic for it.
This quote is originally for pessimists.
But this quote actually tells me one thing: optimists are actually good hypnotizers, aren't they?
=============
Just because there is no standard answer, we have much space to think it over. --DoDo (A Narrow Opening)
Again, this quote and its topic...pretty...nice.
Quite true.
But I think actually this quote means the true victory should not be an exterior victory.
And actually, it should be fine for me to defeat and make suffering over the one who doesn't know how to gain a true victory over me.
=============
When he stands himeself as an island, you should bend yourself as a bridge. Thus, when he finally turns back, there will be a bridge for him to cross over. --DoDo
This is so sweet and wise at the same time.
Sometimes, I really don't know how to deal with things like "he truned his back on me" or "why didn't she reply?"
=============
People are always like this: if I can't get it, I concern; if I get it, I won't even take a damn look on it. --DoDo (Hypnogenesis)
For beautiful items, this may not be true; however, for people, this is always true><"
And take a look at this quote and the topic for it.
This quote is originally for pessimists.
But this quote actually tells me one thing: optimists are actually good hypnotizers, aren't they?
=============
Just because there is no standard answer, we have much space to think it over. --DoDo (A Narrow Opening)
Again, this quote and its topic...pretty...nice.
2009年9月16日 星期三
How Damn Pure Are You?
This is the first day that I become so sure that you're exactly sh*t!!!
You never forget to tell everybody that you're the puriest boy in the world.
You always praise yourself as an ANGEL for girls.
This is not true.
You did not respect me, although you did a few nice things---seemingly.
You don't even see girls as good ones.
Today I feel that I'm too damn stupid to have you here by my side, no matter friends or not.
You cheat, you cheat, and you cheat again.
You keep fooling me.
You only care for yourself.
Just after you and I decided to break up (?), you already prepared well for your own beautiful single life in just a few days.
What in hell are you when you criticize those selfish guys who dump their dear honey like trash?
You're just as mean as them!!
I will never forget this.
Yes. Maybe I'm just a fool, and maybe just exactly the worst fool in the globe.
But from now on, I won't give any sympathy on you.
I won't act like your dispose.
I will kick you to another damn good girl and say "Oh, what a lovely 172 cm boy for you!"
Don't EVER touch me again!
You never forget to tell everybody that you're the puriest boy in the world.
You always praise yourself as an ANGEL for girls.
This is not true.
You did not respect me, although you did a few nice things---seemingly.
You don't even see girls as good ones.
Today I feel that I'm too damn stupid to have you here by my side, no matter friends or not.
You cheat, you cheat, and you cheat again.
You keep fooling me.
You only care for yourself.
Just after you and I decided to break up (?), you already prepared well for your own beautiful single life in just a few days.
What in hell are you when you criticize those selfish guys who dump their dear honey like trash?
You're just as mean as them!!
I will never forget this.
Yes. Maybe I'm just a fool, and maybe just exactly the worst fool in the globe.
But from now on, I won't give any sympathy on you.
I won't act like your dispose.
I will kick you to another damn good girl and say "Oh, what a lovely 172 cm boy for you!"
Don't EVER touch me again!
2009年9月10日 星期四
I Have My Fortune Told
Did I went to a fortune teller?
Not yet.
But I'm sure of one thing.
Our life is holding onto the principle of history too: balance.
We are born with certain personalities which do us good at times and bad at other times.
The good and the bad are equal in mass.
That is the balance.
Not yet.
But I'm sure of one thing.
Our life is holding onto the principle of history too: balance.
We are born with certain personalities which do us good at times and bad at other times.
The good and the bad are equal in mass.
That is the balance.
The Book "Secret" 3
p.157
"In an election, he whom people hate most is the easiest one to win the election, because this person receives most attention and energy."
Did you learn your elementary math?
p.161
"Our universe is fertile...So we can get anything we want as much as we want. "
Ridiculous!
That's because you don't see how the universe counts your debt!
Don't forget that the world exist on the principle of balance.
p.196
"Embrace your good."
-->, and don't forget your bad.
Conclusion:
1. Is this a new religion?
2. Is this Marx?
3. The higher you are, the lonelier you'll be.
"In an election, he whom people hate most is the easiest one to win the election, because this person receives most attention and energy."
Did you learn your elementary math?
p.161
"Our universe is fertile...So we can get anything we want as much as we want. "
Ridiculous!
That's because you don't see how the universe counts your debt!
Don't forget that the world exist on the principle of balance.
p.196
"Embrace your good."
-->, and don't forget your bad.
Conclusion:
1. Is this a new religion?
2. Is this Marx?
3. The higher you are, the lonelier you'll be.
The Book "Secret" 2
p.86
"When you look into the mirror, it's not you right now but YOU in the past."
Don't worry, I now am my future's own slave.
p.93
"Grace Stone"
If you believe shit is the gourmet's choice, of course that shit would serve your stomach good.
Placebo effect again.
p.95
"When you imagine yourself are riding a bike, the motor area in your brain is working even though you're not actually riding a bike."
This is, again, a neurobiological phenomenon.
Of course you have to own this ability, or you wouldn't be able to be prepared for anything in life.
p.109
"You can get everything you can think of."
Thanks to God. Not everyone can think of everything legendary.
p.122
"For money, the proverb still works: as you give, so shall you receive."
This is actually an investment, not a "I am that I am."
p.131
"Your dutiful for yourself."
Definitely.
p.136
"Love is the stat of existence."
I want to reverse this statement.
-->Trust is the stat of existence.
Love is just a phenomenon of trust.
Love is an eager trust---the strongest trust for your lust.
p.145
"We don't want to get old...We can keep ourselves young in mind..."
I don't think this is a nice statement, because oldness brings mellowness.
I want to keep my skin young and pretty, but in mind mellowed.
p.148
"You have to eliminate your pressure...and you'll feel comfortable."
This is...rubbish!
p.156
"What you fight against will last long."
This is the evidence of history: balance.
"When you look into the mirror, it's not you right now but YOU in the past."
Don't worry, I now am my future's own slave.
p.93
"Grace Stone"
If you believe shit is the gourmet's choice, of course that shit would serve your stomach good.
Placebo effect again.
p.95
"When you imagine yourself are riding a bike, the motor area in your brain is working even though you're not actually riding a bike."
This is, again, a neurobiological phenomenon.
Of course you have to own this ability, or you wouldn't be able to be prepared for anything in life.
p.109
"You can get everything you can think of."
Thanks to God. Not everyone can think of everything legendary.
p.122
"For money, the proverb still works: as you give, so shall you receive."
This is actually an investment, not a "I am that I am."
p.131
"Your dutiful for yourself."
Definitely.
p.136
"Love is the stat of existence."
I want to reverse this statement.
-->Trust is the stat of existence.
Love is just a phenomenon of trust.
Love is an eager trust---the strongest trust for your lust.
p.145
"We don't want to get old...We can keep ourselves young in mind..."
I don't think this is a nice statement, because oldness brings mellowness.
I want to keep my skin young and pretty, but in mind mellowed.
p.148
"You have to eliminate your pressure...and you'll feel comfortable."
This is...rubbish!
p.156
"What you fight against will last long."
This is the evidence of history: balance.
2009年9月9日 星期三
The Book "Secret"
This book, I have to say, very good, because it really is a very useful placebo for our future patients.
The principle of the book is nice. I'll say something about this.
However, there are also so many mistakes in this book that I just can't help myself spit out.
p.21
"One that touches pitch shall be defiled."
This is what I called principle in this book.
Owww, great wisdom!!!
p.26
"In this life, we spend most of our time concentrating on those we do NOT want, and least of our time on those we DO want."
This is true, and for sure.
I remember when I was thinking about my future occupation, I first crossed out those I do not want.
But, I don't think we should ALWAYS think of what we want.
Actually, we should always aware of what we want, cauz' these things are our Achille's heel.
Moreover, when you think of those you don't want, you can see what OTHER people want at the same time.
p.44
"Emotion is our nature."
This is definitely right.
We ALWAYS follow our emotion to deal EVERY single thing in our life.
What we called "rationality" is just traits which fit into our personalities, because this "rationality" makes us happy easily.
p.47
"FEEDBACK"
I don't really believe this.
But there exits a more accurate note for this theory: Emotions can last easily, and you can choose to see all the "feedback "in just the emotion you have when you do things.
p.53
"Love IS lust!!!"
Love IS the strongest lust to own somebody or something, and what is more unbelievable, love doesn't let ANYBODY in! (I have to WIN WIN WIN ==")
What is more stronger than this lust?
No doubt.
Maybe this is the only one moral lust in the world, so we have to cherish.
p.59-75
"Ask-Believe-Receive"
This kind of "step by step" really makes me laugh.
Do you notice that?
This is just like a RELIGION.
(Welcome to ask your lord and you must believe him, or you may...)
I don't think this is bad but sometimes this thing really...
p.76
Here comes the most critical point for me:
"Time does not exist."
"Things will happen in the future is actually working around you NOW."
This is the poor stroke in the book.
Think about this:
If these two statements are true, what the hell should we read this book and hope that one day our dream will come true?
The statements tell us that we don't have to worry, because everything is already settled NOW!
Why should we force ourselves to follow this book and change our life? Those settled cannot change, right?
In p.80, this book tells us more:"Create your own life previously!"
This makes things more ridiculous.....
(To Be Continued)
The principle of the book is nice. I'll say something about this.
However, there are also so many mistakes in this book that I just can't help myself spit out.
p.21
"One that touches pitch shall be defiled."
This is what I called principle in this book.
Owww, great wisdom!!!
p.26
"In this life, we spend most of our time concentrating on those we do NOT want, and least of our time on those we DO want."
This is true, and for sure.
I remember when I was thinking about my future occupation, I first crossed out those I do not want.
But, I don't think we should ALWAYS think of what we want.
Actually, we should always aware of what we want, cauz' these things are our Achille's heel.
Moreover, when you think of those you don't want, you can see what OTHER people want at the same time.
p.44
"Emotion is our nature."
This is definitely right.
We ALWAYS follow our emotion to deal EVERY single thing in our life.
What we called "rationality" is just traits which fit into our personalities, because this "rationality" makes us happy easily.
p.47
"FEEDBACK"
I don't really believe this.
But there exits a more accurate note for this theory: Emotions can last easily, and you can choose to see all the "feedback "in just the emotion you have when you do things.
p.53
"Love IS lust!!!"
Love IS the strongest lust to own somebody or something, and what is more unbelievable, love doesn't let ANYBODY in! (I have to WIN WIN WIN ==")
What is more stronger than this lust?
No doubt.
Maybe this is the only one moral lust in the world, so we have to cherish.
p.59-75
"Ask-Believe-Receive"
This kind of "step by step" really makes me laugh.
Do you notice that?
This is just like a RELIGION.
(Welcome to ask your lord and you must believe him, or you may...)
I don't think this is bad but sometimes this thing really...
p.76
Here comes the most critical point for me:
"Time does not exist."
"Things will happen in the future is actually working around you NOW."
This is the poor stroke in the book.
Think about this:
If these two statements are true, what the hell should we read this book and hope that one day our dream will come true?
The statements tell us that we don't have to worry, because everything is already settled NOW!
Why should we force ourselves to follow this book and change our life? Those settled cannot change, right?
In p.80, this book tells us more:"Create your own life previously!"
This makes things more ridiculous.....
(To Be Continued)
2009年8月30日 星期日
背影
我打賭過爸爸絕對沒有讀過朱自清的背影
可是他今天語重心長地發出一聲感慨：
＂人，都是看著人家的背影走的。＂
我嚇了一跳
可是他接著補充：
＂小的時候，看著別人的背影走；到大的時候，就是看著自己小孩的背影走＂
我快哭了出來
我感受到的不只是濃濃的親情，＂人生就是如此＂的想法更是烙刻在心頭
比起朱自清以兒子的角度來描寫父親
我還覺得爸爸對背影的詮釋，是更加深刻的
人還是小孩子的時候，總是跟隨著父母親及其他長輩走
即使是在歐美國家比較民主式的家教下
孩子們還是會自尋榜樣來follow
就算長成青少年，我們也會自己設定目標
要成為甚麼樣的人
成家立業後，又回歸到follow自己的父母親
希望給孩子們一個舒適又溫暖的環境
但是在養成孩子的過程中
自己卻毫不知覺的
一直追逐著孩子的腳步
不只一起成長，還是在精力旺盛的孩子後頭拿著水壺毛巾追著跑！
老了之後更明顯
更是望著自己孩子長熟的背影
以後更是紅著眼眶望著自己的孫子輩
又是曾孫輩..........
這不就是人生嗎？
從小老師教我們寫作文
＂我的偶像＂
還記得吧？
我從小到大，一直覺得這種作文最難寫
為什麼？
因為我總覺得所謂的偶像為什麼一定要是史懷哲？或是居禮夫人？
即使我的確很佩服他們
這是很矛盾的心思
可是我還是覺得我這樣的想法很符合我最自然的本意
我的偶像是變動的
我目前的偶像就是我爸媽
若說偶像就是值得我追逐的背影
那我就要選擇我親愛的家人
家人才是我唯一可以依靠的
友情可以欺騙，愛情可以背叛，工作關係更可以顛覆（對不起阿）
但我真正可以追逐的
只有我的家人
只有我的家人才有這個權利
可是他今天語重心長地發出一聲感慨：
＂人，都是看著人家的背影走的。＂
我嚇了一跳
可是他接著補充：
＂小的時候，看著別人的背影走；到大的時候，就是看著自己小孩的背影走＂
我快哭了出來
我感受到的不只是濃濃的親情，＂人生就是如此＂的想法更是烙刻在心頭
比起朱自清以兒子的角度來描寫父親
我還覺得爸爸對背影的詮釋，是更加深刻的
人還是小孩子的時候，總是跟隨著父母親及其他長輩走
即使是在歐美國家比較民主式的家教下
孩子們還是會自尋榜樣來follow
就算長成青少年，我們也會自己設定目標
要成為甚麼樣的人
成家立業後，又回歸到follow自己的父母親
希望給孩子們一個舒適又溫暖的環境
但是在養成孩子的過程中
自己卻毫不知覺的
一直追逐著孩子的腳步
不只一起成長，還是在精力旺盛的孩子後頭拿著水壺毛巾追著跑！
老了之後更明顯
更是望著自己孩子長熟的背影
以後更是紅著眼眶望著自己的孫子輩
又是曾孫輩..........
這不就是人生嗎？
從小老師教我們寫作文
＂我的偶像＂
還記得吧？
我從小到大，一直覺得這種作文最難寫
為什麼？
因為我總覺得所謂的偶像為什麼一定要是史懷哲？或是居禮夫人？
即使我的確很佩服他們
這是很矛盾的心思
可是我還是覺得我這樣的想法很符合我最自然的本意
我的偶像是變動的
我目前的偶像就是我爸媽
若說偶像就是值得我追逐的背影
那我就要選擇我親愛的家人
家人才是我唯一可以依靠的
友情可以欺騙，愛情可以背叛，工作關係更可以顛覆（對不起阿）
但我真正可以追逐的
只有我的家人
只有我的家人才有這個權利
2009年8月26日 星期三
letter
首先，我想感謝你這一年來的陪伴
雖然我有時候態度很差，但是我心裡還是很明白：如果沒有你的存在，我這一年的生活將會大大改觀；而且，大部分和你待在一起的時間，確實是比較讓人放鬆的，即使你真的有夠黏ＸＤ
我很謝謝你～你的細心體貼我都不會忘記
但是對於最近我很糟糕的態度，我不否認，那些冷酷的言詞是基於一種意圖
而這個意圖就是，我希望能以我的缺點來讓你深刻了解
或許我們不能這樣子下去了
......顯然，你有接收到訊息
但我真的很害怕......真的真的很畏懼，你曉得我在這方面很謹慎
尤其我又特別不會做口頭上的表達，很怕臨時昏暈一下就舌滑說出甚麼可能會讓你誤解的字句
所以
我還是決定一個字一個字慢慢打下來
正因為對男（對！）女關係一點經驗都沒有，我有很長一段時間根本就不知道我到底在甚麼
阿
最後我還是以短篇即席演講上場了=="
超級緊張的
但似乎效果不大>"<
有傳達到嗎(天音:沒有)
雖然我有時候態度很差，但是我心裡還是很明白：如果沒有你的存在，我這一年的生活將會大大改觀；而且，大部分和你待在一起的時間，確實是比較讓人放鬆的，即使你真的有夠黏ＸＤ
我很謝謝你～你的細心體貼我都不會忘記
但是對於最近我很糟糕的態度，我不否認，那些冷酷的言詞是基於一種意圖
而這個意圖就是，我希望能以我的缺點來讓你深刻了解
或許我們不能這樣子下去了
......顯然，你有接收到訊息
但我真的很害怕......真的真的很畏懼，你曉得我在這方面很謹慎
尤其我又特別不會做口頭上的表達，很怕臨時昏暈一下就舌滑說出甚麼可能會讓你誤解的字句
所以
我還是決定一個字一個字慢慢打下來
正因為對男（對！）女關係一點經驗都沒有，我有很長一段時間根本就不知道我到底在甚麼
阿
最後我還是以短篇即席演講上場了=="
超級緊張的
但似乎效果不大>"<
有傳達到嗎(天音:沒有)
2009年7月6日 星期一
2009年6月5日 星期五
不想當女生
很多時候
我自己都會不自覺
又再follow男尊女卑.女生該當承擔某些責任的老觀念
比如說
"樂手的心酸"感想文
最後的結論竟然是"哀 為啥我們是女生""還是不要請女主唱來的好 好麻煩"
但是
為啥是女生來承擔這些壞名呢
那些死男樂手不用負責任嗎
對 沒錯
大部分女生感情比較豐富一點
但是但是 一個巴掌拍不響
更何況
通常真正促成這種關係的主動力量
還不是來自演化過程後存活下來的這群雄性動物們
既然害怕有問題的發生
就該有負起責任.控制自己的力量阿
怎麼會是捨棄團隊的需求
而逃避又逃避呢
但我還是不想當女生阿
在生理層面 我們只有一個優勢:"我們一定知道孩子是自己的"
在心理層面 我們只能由一個詞來作註腳:"矛盾"ㄚㄚㄚ
我自己都會不自覺
又再follow男尊女卑.女生該當承擔某些責任的老觀念
比如說
"樂手的心酸"感想文
最後的結論竟然是"哀 為啥我們是女生""還是不要請女主唱來的好 好麻煩"
但是
為啥是女生來承擔這些壞名呢
那些死男樂手不用負責任嗎
對 沒錯
大部分女生感情比較豐富一點
但是但是 一個巴掌拍不響
更何況
通常真正促成這種關係的主動力量
還不是來自演化過程後存活下來的這群雄性動物們
既然害怕有問題的發生
就該有負起責任.控制自己的力量阿
怎麼會是捨棄團隊的需求
而逃避又逃避呢
但我還是不想當女生阿
在生理層面 我們只有一個優勢:"我們一定知道孩子是自己的"
在心理層面 我們只能由一個詞來作註腳:"矛盾"ㄚㄚㄚ
2009年6月4日 星期四
2009年4月17日 星期五
Am I Really Thoughtful?
Sometimes, I do hear people say that I am thoughtful and I often think up some interesting ideas.
I don't think so.
You can say I'm inconfident. But I am really damn lazy to think.
I don't give a damn to almost everything.
I only care about myself---my own feelings. Read my blog and you'll see this.
I don't say I'm immune to emoitons but I am immune to anything happen arround me.
I hate calculating what this life is worthwhile for.
I hate discussing what other peoples' crazy speeches and thoughts.
I hate everything that is imposed on me.
So, how do you pursuade me to believe myself as a good thinker and a good care giver?
I don't think so.
You can say I'm inconfident. But I am really damn lazy to think.
I don't give a damn to almost everything.
I only care about myself---my own feelings. Read my blog and you'll see this.
I don't say I'm immune to emoitons but I am immune to anything happen arround me.
I hate calculating what this life is worthwhile for.
I hate discussing what other peoples' crazy speeches and thoughts.
I hate everything that is imposed on me.
So, how do you pursuade me to believe myself as a good thinker and a good care giver?
Am I Really Rational?
Many say that they are very surprised to find me really rational rather than sensational.
Many say that they are even more surprised to find me really cold and unconcerned.
But I didn't tell them: I'm surprised too!! I don't even know that I am such a tough person who scares everybody away from me!!
J says sometimes I look like a damned shit when I am TIRED.
Oh, yeah? Now THAT is the reason!!
Don't you think it is pretty hard to communicate with these damn people?
Don't you think talking and thinking really bring you down and expend all your energy?
Don't you think these interaction with people, especially known ones, is really wasting my time, since nobody will pay a damn shit on you when you are down and exausted with those damn realities?
Don't you think when you're successful everybody, of course including you my DEAR, will try to show a damn bit more respect to you while they just spit on your grave when you finally get some place to rest down away from these damn shit things?
Don't you think I am pretty sensational (or irrational) asking you these questions?
I am irrational because I always laugh an unwilling laugh.
I am irrational because I always smile an unwilling smile.
I am irrational because I always appear in an unhappy place everyday.
I AM irrational because I always receive your complaints for the real irrational me I show you, J!!
That F*** You song should be there for everybody to sing!!
I just hope that I CAN be that rational person all of you see!!
As clever and realistic as you all said!!
Many say that they are even more surprised to find me really cold and unconcerned.
But I didn't tell them: I'm surprised too!! I don't even know that I am such a tough person who scares everybody away from me!!
J says sometimes I look like a damned shit when I am TIRED.
Oh, yeah? Now THAT is the reason!!
Don't you think it is pretty hard to communicate with these damn people?
Don't you think talking and thinking really bring you down and expend all your energy?
Don't you think these interaction with people, especially known ones, is really wasting my time, since nobody will pay a damn shit on you when you are down and exausted with those damn realities?
Don't you think when you're successful everybody, of course including you my DEAR, will try to show a damn bit more respect to you while they just spit on your grave when you finally get some place to rest down away from these damn shit things?
Don't you think I am pretty sensational (or irrational) asking you these questions?
I am irrational because I always laugh an unwilling laugh.
I am irrational because I always smile an unwilling smile.
I am irrational because I always appear in an unhappy place everyday.
I AM irrational because I always receive your complaints for the real irrational me I show you, J!!
That F*** You song should be there for everybody to sing!!
I just hope that I CAN be that rational person all of you see!!
As clever and realistic as you all said!!
2009年3月28日 星期六
天底下真有這麼巧的事
真是太好笑了
我還以為我的個性已經夠悲哀了
悲哀到這世界已經沒有人跟我像了
不過呢
今天發現台灣就有一個
還po到yahoo知識+交友
自稱怪咖...哈哈(握手)
他說他的個性是...
友善............算有
隨和............當然有
羅曼蒂克....不太可能
積極............NO
進取............以前沒有..現在有
粗枝大葉....我認同
善解人意....of course
熱情大方....NO..其實我也想變成這樣的人
淡泊名利....這是我最大的優點
不拘小節....這釋啥東西誰來給我解釋= =
心地善良....算有
活潑好動....NO
忠厚老實....當然
內向害羞....這是我最大的缺點
單純率真....ㄎㄎㄎ不好意思這是我的優點
幽默風趣....NO..但想朝著這方向邁進
成熟穩重....我想笑..這跟我怎麼會扯ㄉ上關係
外冷內熱....我是這種人沒有錯
溫柔婉約....=..=我有需要努力著這方向邁進ㄇ= =?
樂觀開朗....怎麼可能....哈哈哈..不過我會努力的
易情緒化....好像有喔.....嗚...
冷酷孤僻....有耶..........
誠懇實在....最大優點之一
爽朗健談.....去參加卡內基看會不會變成這樣好ㄌ
多愁善感.....悲哀的缺點
細心體貼.....不細心 但體貼..誰把這兩個形容詞放在一起的?
急公好義.....應該有一點點吧
隨興自在.....應該有吧
腳踏實地.....有!
擇善固執.....擇善是什麼我不知道..不過我知道我固執
正直坦白.....最大優點之一
謙和有禮.....好像…沒有耶………不過我很欣賞這種人..我也想變成這種人
沈默寡言.....埃…悲哀ㄉ缺點
搞怪頑皮.....ㄏㄏㄏ好像有喔!!
聰明伶俐.....要看哪方面~~有時候我很聰明是沒有錯..有時候卻很笨= =
精明幹練.....很想變成這種人
優柔寡斷.....算有
吊兒啷噹.....感覺好像跟我扯不上邊..可以我總覺得我好像有耶
ㄎㄎ
看來我是不是也該上知識+交友阿?
我還以為我的個性已經夠悲哀了
悲哀到這世界已經沒有人跟我像了
不過呢
今天發現台灣就有一個
還po到yahoo知識+交友
自稱怪咖...哈哈(握手)
他說他的個性是...
友善............算有
隨和............當然有
羅曼蒂克....不太可能
積極............NO
進取............以前沒有..現在有
粗枝大葉....我認同
善解人意....of course
熱情大方....NO..其實我也想變成這樣的人
淡泊名利....這是我最大的優點
不拘小節....這釋啥東西誰來給我解釋= =
心地善良....算有
活潑好動....NO
忠厚老實....當然
內向害羞....這是我最大的缺點
單純率真....ㄎㄎㄎ不好意思這是我的優點
幽默風趣....NO..但想朝著這方向邁進
成熟穩重....我想笑..這跟我怎麼會扯ㄉ上關係
外冷內熱....我是這種人沒有錯
溫柔婉約....=..=我有需要努力著這方向邁進ㄇ= =?
樂觀開朗....怎麼可能....哈哈哈..不過我會努力的
易情緒化....好像有喔.....嗚...
冷酷孤僻....有耶..........
誠懇實在....最大優點之一
爽朗健談.....去參加卡內基看會不會變成這樣好ㄌ
多愁善感.....悲哀的缺點
細心體貼.....不細心 但體貼..誰把這兩個形容詞放在一起的?
急公好義.....應該有一點點吧
隨興自在.....應該有吧
腳踏實地.....有!
擇善固執.....擇善是什麼我不知道..不過我知道我固執
正直坦白.....最大優點之一
謙和有禮.....好像…沒有耶………不過我很欣賞這種人..我也想變成這種人
沈默寡言.....埃…悲哀ㄉ缺點
搞怪頑皮.....ㄏㄏㄏ好像有喔!!
聰明伶俐.....要看哪方面~~有時候我很聰明是沒有錯..有時候卻很笨= =
精明幹練.....很想變成這種人
優柔寡斷.....算有
吊兒啷噹.....感覺好像跟我扯不上邊..可以我總覺得我好像有耶
ㄎㄎ
看來我是不是也該上知識+交友阿?
2009年3月8日 星期日
Rev for my special one
Lately, I read through a well-written article about hanky-panky thing (not corrotes sexual behaviors but feeling), which is exactly what is happening between us.
So now I have to correct one thing:
I love you, and I'm not in love with you yet.
What I perceive is that we're kind of...hanky-panky and this is not love!
And I guess this "description" won't change for at least a year or two for me.
Now I understand what exactly made me afraid of answering you yes.
It's not because you're too precious to be my bf.
It's because I don't love you that much.
I'm sorry but I can't take that much.
I'm sorry I just don't want you to be my responsibility...yet!
If you really love me, I thank you.
If you feel the same for me, I still thank you and I hope maybe one day we can become...anything deeper like real best friends or bf and gf.
This kind of relationship can drive a person crazy.
(I finally find one new thing to worry about? anticipate for?)
So now I have to correct one thing:
I love you, and I'm not in love with you yet.
What I perceive is that we're kind of...hanky-panky and this is not love!
And I guess this "description" won't change for at least a year or two for me.
Now I understand what exactly made me afraid of answering you yes.
It's not because you're too precious to be my bf.
It's because I don't love you that much.
I'm sorry but I can't take that much.
I'm sorry I just don't want you to be my responsibility...yet!
If you really love me, I thank you.
If you feel the same for me, I still thank you and I hope maybe one day we can become...anything deeper like real best friends or bf and gf.
This kind of relationship can drive a person crazy.
(I finally find one new thing to worry about? anticipate for?)
可悲的女性
從教材中也透露出“男主動女被動”的模式。如此，只會使兩性間難以平等互動，對於傳統性文化卻一直存有雙重的標準。要求女性婚前保有貞操，婚後忠實；卻沒有對男性提出同等要求。加上台灣社會中處女價值不斷被吹噓，無形中強化了女性對性無謂的恐懼及壓抑。所以處女情結不但反映出男女不平等的現實，同時亦否定了女性追求情慾自主的空間。而傳統性別角色的強化，不但打壓了非傳統婦女，也忽略男性所應擔負的職責。其中非但加重職業婦女的心理壓力，也為真正思考及對傳統性別角色的反省。
Where the Hell Does Disney Find All These Damn Virgins???June 6th, 2008 by Evil Beet
我的天阿...
這個世界...
看了真是感慨...
如果有人再問我:為啥你下輩子想當男生而不想當女生?
我就要回答:
X你X的XXXX 沒長長眼睛看看這個世界阿
X你的處女情結
X你的男女大平等
我是不是該學學selena去跟上帝簽署virgin條約?
Where the Hell Does Disney Find All These Damn Virgins???June 6th, 2008 by Evil Beet
我的天阿...
這個世界...
看了真是感慨...
如果有人再問我:為啥你下輩子想當男生而不想當女生?
我就要回答:
X你X的XXXX 沒長長眼睛看看這個世界阿
X你的處女情結
X你的男女大平等
我是不是該學學selena去跟上帝簽署virgin條約?
2009年2月3日 星期二
To A Special Person
These days, I keep introspecting over our relationship.
I really tried hard to figure out what happened, but what I figured out is that I am, yeah, kind of in love with you.
You remember that psychology test for liking and loving?
I lied to you.
I lied to you because I don't understand myself and this affection I've never experienced before.
The result was actually "I love you, but I don't like you."
However, I thought I wasn't into you and stabbed you that I loved you but I wasn't in love with you.
This is totally a mistake.
I confess now that I'm really in love with you, which is unfortunately the last thing I'd say to you.
What I can do now is...
I make a promise to myself, secretly, for you.
Maybe after a few years, we'll probably meet each other again.
At that time, we'd be totally different, or maybe, only a little things change.
Then, we'll fall in love with each other again---a new love lasting for the rest of our lives.
I'm sorry for you.
I'm sorry for both of us.
Well, I love you, and I really do.
But I can't fight anymore for you.
I don't know maybe we'll be together again sometime in another life.
But the pain is done, so we still have to go on.
Just let time soothe our pain and see what happens.
I really tried hard to figure out what happened, but what I figured out is that I am, yeah, kind of in love with you.
You remember that psychology test for liking and loving?
I lied to you.
I lied to you because I don't understand myself and this affection I've never experienced before.
The result was actually "I love you, but I don't like you."
However, I thought I wasn't into you and stabbed you that I loved you but I wasn't in love with you.
This is totally a mistake.
I confess now that I'm really in love with you, which is unfortunately the last thing I'd say to you.
What I can do now is...
I make a promise to myself, secretly, for you.
Maybe after a few years, we'll probably meet each other again.
At that time, we'd be totally different, or maybe, only a little things change.
Then, we'll fall in love with each other again---a new love lasting for the rest of our lives.
I'm sorry for you.
I'm sorry for both of us.
Well, I love you, and I really do.
But I can't fight anymore for you.
I don't know maybe we'll be together again sometime in another life.
But the pain is done, so we still have to go on.
Just let time soothe our pain and see what happens.
我對宗教的想法
宗教...真是個有趣的現象...
根據國中課本,可以發現:人類文化發展和宗教觀念的發展是息息相關的
宗教甚至在人類史前文明的早期就開始占有一席之地
至於我個人...不會去反對這種東西
但是當我上大學後有了被教會的人死纏爛打的經驗之後
我真的忍不住手癢要寫下這幾句個人見解:
宗教 在我的認知裡
呈現了一種自我的面向
有點像Freud的superego
有道德超脫,甚至有超能力的感覺
甚至可以說是人生追求的目標
一個典範.一種可能
這就是為甚麼
每當教會的人費盡心思跟我說明請God進入我心來使我的人生計畫得以實現時
我都會回嗆:
喔?我就這樣把王位讓給他嗎?為啥沒有我跟他談判的空間?"我"才是實現人生計畫的重點人物吧!"我"才是God的化身吧(以人生計畫的觀點來說)
唉...只能說
這些宗教狂熱份子的智慧是我無法理解的:P
根據國中課本,可以發現:人類文化發展和宗教觀念的發展是息息相關的
宗教甚至在人類史前文明的早期就開始占有一席之地
至於我個人...不會去反對這種東西
但是當我上大學後有了被教會的人死纏爛打的經驗之後
我真的忍不住手癢要寫下這幾句個人見解:
宗教 在我的認知裡
呈現了一種自我的面向
有點像Freud的superego
有道德超脫,甚至有超能力的感覺
甚至可以說是人生追求的目標
一個典範.一種可能
這就是為甚麼
每當教會的人費盡心思跟我說明請God進入我心來使我的人生計畫得以實現時
我都會回嗆:
喔?我就這樣把王位讓給他嗎?為啥沒有我跟他談判的空間?"我"才是實現人生計畫的重點人物吧!"我"才是God的化身吧(以人生計畫的觀點來說)
唉...只能說
這些宗教狂熱份子的智慧是我無法理解的:P
2009年1月16日 星期五
A Letter in Reply to My Dearest "Friend"
I still persist that I delete everything between us.
This is just a short quote of the real letter, but it would be enough to memorize our recent conditions.
It should be one of my dearest, although a little painful, memories throughout life, so I decided to quote some of it for myself:
I lose my way, and it’s not too long before you point it out.
I cannot cry, because I know that’s weakness in your eyes.
I watched you die.
I heard you cry every night in your sleep. (Actually, it is too exaggerated…for me. Not my own lyrics. Don’t misunderstand.> <)
I was so young. (Look! WAS!)
You should have known better than to lean on me. (Wonderful lyric! This is what I’m saying here)
You never thought of anyone else.
You just saw your pain. (In your latest letter, at least half of your content include only: “Don’t don’t don’t leave me. Care for me.”)
This is just a short quote of the real letter, but it would be enough to memorize our recent conditions.
It should be one of my dearest, although a little painful, memories throughout life, so I decided to quote some of it for myself:
I lose my way, and it’s not too long before you point it out.
I cannot cry, because I know that’s weakness in your eyes.
I watched you die.
I heard you cry every night in your sleep. (Actually, it is too exaggerated…for me. Not my own lyrics. Don’t misunderstand.> <)
I was so young. (Look! WAS!)
You should have known better than to lean on me. (Wonderful lyric! This is what I’m saying here)
You never thought of anyone else.
You just saw your pain. (In your latest letter, at least half of your content include only: “Don’t don’t don’t leave me. Care for me.”)
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